Janaat Viraj Singh POV

Finally, finally, finally—I tell myself again—I've got it. I’ve got this. You’ve got this, Janu. No one has the tiniest idea how these babies have my whole heart.

I yank open the main door and hurry inside, the hallway light flickering as if winking at me in welcome. I run toward the stairs, wanting to reach my room as soon as possible.

“Janu, have you had your lunch? It’s already 5 pm,” my dad calls, his voice threaded with a mix of humor and concern that never seems to tire. My dad is always concerned about meals.

“No, Dad, I was busy,” I reply, peeling off the last remnant of workday armor—my heels—so I can slide into the soft, forgiving floor. I catch his eye. “How can you be so careless? You should have at least 3 healthy meals a day.” The words come out with a half-scolding, half-worried lilt. He moves forward with a half-smile that doesn’t quite erase the seriousness there—because he means it: I need to look after myself, because I matter.

Aww, my cute dad. “I was not hungry, but after one hour, my stomach started growling,” I admit, patting my flat stomach. “Please make some sandwiches for me, just as I like.” He moves ahead with the practiced rhythm, “You are impossible, Janu,” he says with a sigh that lands on my feet, “and don’t walk around barefoot; you’ll catch a cold, then you’ll have to take medicines, and I know how much you hate them. So it’s better to listen to your cute dad.” 

I arched my brows toward my dad and put both hands on my waist and formed a tiny pout, “With age, you are turning into an old, grumpy man”.Then I turned to and saw someone was sitting in our guest room. His face was not visible to me. I tiptoed to see him, but Dad interrupted me. “Yes! Yes! My baby, your dad is getting old, so please listen to your dad.”

He indeed is my cutest dad.

Dad just took one step towards me with a sly smile, “Show me what my baby daughter brought today. I must say you are looking over the moon. Have you won some kind of lottery?” 

I pick up my shopping bag from the floor and again start climbing stairs, “girls' stuff!! Dad, don’t poke your nose. I’ll come downstairs in one hour, after taking a bath, so please have my favorite sandwiches ready.”

Entering my room, the first thing I did was take this tight dress off. “Now that I’m accepting I put on some kind of weight, I think it’s time to switch from an XS size to an S.” 

After taking a long bath in my bathtub and washing my curly hair, I’m drying my hair with a diffuser. Every girl agrees with me that maintaining curly hair is far more difficult than straight hair. After 30 minutes of struggling with the diffuser, I now feel my hair is dry.

Right, focus time. Full attention on my little darlings.

No one understands how these tiny pieces of fabric have completely stolen my heart.

Everyone has their thing, right? Some people collect stamps, others are obsessed with vintage cars... me? I’m all about them. 

 And today's the day. The day I finally get to debut the really special ones.

Time to try them. 

Slowly, dramatically, I dropped my towel. The anticipation was killing me!

I reached for the first set. It was the ivory one, too delicate but sexy at the same time. 

I slipped it on, holding my breath. "Wooooow," I whispered, catching my reflection. "Just...wow." It honestly felt like it was made for me, and only me. 

The way they hugged me felt like skin, a shining skin. Ugh, I'm obsessed.

Gaining weight comes with a lot of shopping, and especially shopping for these little luxuries. 

These two sets were so costly, I mean, my two months' income. 

But could I resist? Absolutely not! 

They are my secret. 

And this purchase felt like a real step up. A new start, the big thing is I’m able to afford them. 

These are special. 

The fact that I snagged them with a fifty percent discount makes it even sweeter!  Being a fashion influencer is the best profession nowadays; you get lots of discounts, many gifts from fans, and sometimes even free food. You just have to maintain your profile's aesthetics, and the brand will start to approach you. 

“Should I try heels too?”The thought popped into my head, and before I could talk myself out of it, I was reaching for my brand new, snow-white stilettos. I slipped them on, and… "Oh. My. God." I almost screamed, but managed to stifle it just in time. The heels completely transformed the look. Suddenly, I felt taller, more confident, more… womanly.

Now I feel more like a mature woman. Not just a bamboo stick without curves.  It's a whole vibe.

Okay, deep breath. Time for the red one. This set is bold. Like, seriously bold. Maybe even too bold?

This is my little secret. No one else needs to know but me.

This is my love, my escape, my little world. 

After looking at myself in my baby's, I slip into a comfortable matching night suit in pink, with its strawberry print. At that exact moment, my stomach growled, “It’s time to feed you. Let’s go, my potato sandwich is waiting for me.”

I run downstairs, and in a hurry, I skip one step of staring, but soon I balance myself. 

“Careful, baby,” I heard Dad's concerned voice.

My cute, concerned dad, “I’m fine, Dad. I am starving. Are my sandwiches ready?” As the sandwiches come together—crispy lettuce, a ribbon of mint, the bread buttered to the edge—I feel a current of gratitude run through me. “Eat,” he says gently when the plate is ready. 

“Dad, you are partial, who eats sandwiches for dinner. You forgot I told you to make biryani for dinner.” My little brother’s voice carried a stubborn note. He wasn’t little anymore, not really. This was our house in a capsule of moments, where jokes could sting and sweetness could bloom in the same breath. I watched him lean back in his chair, shoulders squared, chin tilted, a boy who wanted to argue the world into being kind. “Here comes the princess of our house”, I taunted with a smirk.

“Ooo, please don’t change my gender, baby, I can’t be a princess, you know I’m a boy who is 15 years old,” my little brother retorted.

Before I could answer, Dad’s voice rolled in, warm and even, the sort of sound that had always steadied us, like the steady rhythm of a drum, “Calm down, chiku, see here, your biryani is ready, and who forced you to eat sandwiches? These are for my baby. You are both my two eyes, one is right, and the other is left.”

“I’m sure, I’m your… right… Eye Dad,” my mouth muttered around a mouthful of warmth and spice. The bite was so big that I forgot what I was saying. If heaven exists, it’s in my mouth right now. “Amm, Dad, I want to kiss your hands right now. Your sandwiches are the best.”

I was continuously chewing, a bite after a bite without any break, “Dad, I have an idea, after your retirement, we should sell these roadside, I’m sure people will love it, and what if you might get viral like me, maybe you can be a MasterChef in India. You know, now celebrity MasterChef is also very famous, da..”

Before I completed my sentence, I choked and started coughing, my hands moved to grab water, and two glasses of water were shoved towards my lips. Right away, I drank water. After calming myself, I opened my eyes and saw two utterly worried faces.
“Dad, please, call the Doctor. Where is your phone?” Chiku’s voice trembled with the tremor of fear.  “It.. It’s somewhere in the kitchen slab,” Chiku is running toward the kitchen. Dad is also rushed.

Stop. 

I said, Stop both of you, I screamed. I shot a fierce glare to stop them. “Come back on chairs, I’m fine, I just ate a little fast because I was hungry, nothing else. Both are scared if they see a dead body.” shit, do I really have to mention a dead body. My tongue will cause me a big problem one day. 

“Come back here. Now.”

Both settled in delicate chairs, and I passed the water. But both are still a bit concerned. 

I see fear in their eyes, fear of losing me, that the fear we all once experienced, and I never want to feel that again. That mere memory is enough to send shivers down my spine. I clenched my fist to stop shivering. But it’s not working. So I hid my hands under the table. I don’t wanna come across a fragile girl. At least not in front of them. They believe I forgot everything, but in reality, I am still stuck there.

Dad sensed the situation and asked the most undeniable question, “Are you excited about your college tomorrow?” My dad is a government teacher who thinks earning money from the internet is a scam; it will shut down one day. 

“Dad, I told you I’m earning a good amount, so why do I have to study further? You know I don’t want to go.” My voice was filled with a plea. I know it’s not gonna work, but I tried last time.

“I don’t want to hear anything. Can’t you just fulfill your mom's last words? I’m requesting you, please. We decided that you will at least graduate. It’s in fashion, your favorite zoner. It will not be difficult for you, and I’m not stopping you from whatever you are doing online.” 

I think I pushed hard this time; my head was down because of embarrassment. 

Meanwhile, Chiku noticed the gravity of the situation; to avoid the spoiled dinner, he suddenly said,” Dad, can’t we change these pink chairs? It looks like we are living in a girls' hostel.”

“NO,” my dad and I snapped at the same time. It was selected by Mom before she passed away. We all went to a furniture shop. Then mom saw a pink chair dining set, and jumped in happiness. Without thinking, Dad said yes to Mom. They are not just chairs; these are memories, memories that dad and I cherished.

Can’t you see it has two colors, beige and pink? What’s the problem with pink? It’s a nice color, and Mom’s favorite, too. I growled. 

Chiku narrowed his eyes, “Dad, even the carpet is too pink, I can’t even invite my friend to my home. What will they think after seeing this pink dinner table and pink rug? It’s too much, Dad. We are two boys in this house, so a more suitable color should be blue, black, or brown, which will work too.”

“That’s enough, eat your dinner and go to your rooms. Chiku, I received your complaint about being late twice last month. And you have to sleep early, you have to reach college at 9 am.” Dad said this in a firm voice, so there is no room for further discussion. “Apne sath mujhe bhi lapet liye.” 

(He dragged me also into this situation)

After clearing my throat, “I’m sorry, Dad. I’ll fulfill Mama’s wish. I’ll make you proud, and you will be there with me in the convocation ceremony. Promise me, Dad, I’ll never bring this topic again.”

Dad sees in my eyes, and a genuine smile forms on his lips,  “I promise I’ll be by your side when you receive your degree. Now eat, dinner is getting cold.”

Chiku pouted, “Excuse me, father-daughter duo, what about my problem? You both always do this with me: ignore my demands. It’s just a little change. Can’t you do this little thing for me? It’s very embarrassing for me, who keeps pink chairs for dining.”

“Just Shut up.” 

We, both father and daughter, snapped at him at the same time. “Poor boy”

After this little session, we three ate in silence, and Dad started washing the dishes.  

“Why is there no Ice cream in our fridge?” I mean, it’s always there. Chiku was mooting with Dad, and as usual, our cute Dad was ignoring him.

I know what’s coming after that, but while we were both eyeing each other, we headed towards our rooms. My room is on the second floor. It was recently made because I need direct sunlight to come into my room, so my videos can be clear. 

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In Jannat Room

It’s time to check my phone, looking through notifications, I find a message in my text box.

“You brought lingerie sets today. I would love to see you in that. Hope you're gonna post a picture of them soon, but my personal favorite is that hot red nightie you brought. I would love to see you in that personally, see you soon!! My little slut.”

I just blocked that number. People are pervy these days. I never entertained them. That spoiled my mood. I threw my phone and lay back on the bed.

But I guess I loved the attention from real people, only real ones, not these pervy ones. It’s not often I receive that kind of message. I’m not even sure how these people dare to message a girl; are they not aware of cybercrime and women's helplines nowadays?

Tossing the phone on the bed, I also roll on the bed. 

Suddenly, my attention shifted towards the door as it slightly opened, and I saw my little brother, who is taller than me. He entered the room and closed the door behind him, giving me an impish smile, and I knew why he had come into my room.

“You want to eat an ice cream?” I asked, not just asking, my tone was confirmed.

“You know if Dad sees us roaming outside late at night, we both are going to get a scolding,” I cautioned.

“But I want to, and I’m sure you also want the same. Let’s sneak out,” he pouted.

I thought a little, but not being able to deny it, I rose from my bed. “Okay then, let’s go,” I declared.

Carefully, we both stepped outside of our house, not making any noise. And start walking toward the shop. The night was chilled, a cool breeze adding a shiver because I was wearing shorts, super shorts. After a short walk, we reached the ice cream shop, which was still open.

“What do you want, chiku?” I asked.

Stop calling me Chiku, for your kind information, miss, I’m 15 years old, studying in the tenth standard, my height is 5’6, you are just 5 feet, a short girl, so mind your height, and lastly, my name is Ruhaan. 

Ruhaan Roy. If you want to give me a nickname, then call me RR.”

I just chuckled at that, “Okay, Mr. Ruhaan Roy, uff RR, which flavoured ice cream do you want?”

“Chocolate, of course, Baby,” he replied with a grin.

Soon, I ordered one chocolate ice cream and one butterscotch ice cream for myself. 

After some seconds shopkeeper came to us with both cons. I was just opening my phone to pay, and then Chiku uff Ruhaan said, “I’ll pay.” I was surprised by this sudden act. So I asked, “Who taught you?”

Opening the con tip, he looked at me, “Affhoo Baby, I’m a big boy now. A boy should always pay.” 

I was amused by this sudden change, so I couldn’t control my curiosity and spoke, “Do you have a girlfriend, Chiku?”

“No, how can you ask your brother, did I ever ask about your boyfriend? Sorry, sorry, a short girl can’t have a boyfriend, my bad,” he was biting his ice cream, which was half gone. “It was just a friend, A man by the way.”

“Stop calling me short, these days men prefer short girls,” I said, licking my ice cream. “For your kind information, I’m exactly five feet, under five you are allowed to use the word shot, but not on me.” 

He scoffed, “Let’s go now, before Dad finds out.” I just faintly nodded in response. 

We both arrived back at home in six minutes and carefully locked the door without making any noise.

Chiku hugged me and said, “Goodnight, baby.”He went toward his room.

I was tired after this little walk. I don’t know how I’m gonna survive on the huge campus. I slipped into bed. I open my Instagram, I am growing, my followers are increasing within a few seconds, it’s finally 100k.

100K. I am included in influencers who have 1 Lac followers.

I can’t believe my eyes. I should have recorded this, at least added a countdown on the story, but now the bird ate the field. What should I do? Should I call Lily, then drop the idea because my friend's dad is a strict one? Sometimes he took her phone also. Toxic parenting. 

This day was amazing. Firstly, I got my babies in three colors and then this 100k surprise. 

Folding my hands and thanking God for blessing, I unfold my comforter and lay my head on a pillow.

Closing my eyes, I tried to sleep, but my mind was roaming in the past. When the first time after that surgery I opened my eyes I only saw white walls. A monitor sound. I want to move my body, and I winced; my body was weak. Too weak that I can’t move a  little. I parted my lips to speak, but no voice came. 

Then a hand came on my head, and I saw Dad. His face was pale, and seeing me, he started crying. I wanted to console him, but my body betrayed me. “My baby is so brave.” I moved my lips to speak, but he stopped me with his hand, “Shh, we are at the hospital, just a little surgery happened. Your body is weak, that’s why you can’t speak and move.”

We are a hospital, but this room doesn’t look like a hospital. There is no usual noise, people cry, footsteps for staff running. No ambulance siren and also no smell of medicine. I turned my head to a big window, sunlight coming on my bed. I can feel the warmth of the sun. 

 “Where are Mamma and Chiku?” I wanted to ask, but my body was so drained. This was the effect of anesthesia, and I can’t remember what happened afterwards.

When I feel fine, I ask, “How did they arrange blood for surgery?” I have a rare blood type. These blood groups have fewer than fifty people in the entire world. We didn’t disclose this to anyone; only my parents know. Dad told me a man helped us. I just know his name. Viraj Singh, Principal of Quantum Royal Z  College/QRZ.

Sleep is also far away from me. I open the glass door and close my eyes when cold air touches my body. I shiver a little, but I spread my arms so I can feel more of this cold air.

I sit on my swing chair and start staring at the sky. My balcony is small, but it’s cozy. I also added the lights because I love lights; I can’t stand the darkness. Darkness gives me chills. I feel darkness will swallow me. I want to fill this with lots of flowers and greenery, but I can’t. So I brought fake plants for here. 

Chilly air is hitting, and I’m still sitting. I was just a girl sitting on the small balcony. I trail my finger on the fake plants; it tickles my skin. A genuine smile came on my lips.

I opened my phone again, and a smile came on automatically on my lips seeing 100k. Today, this made me happy. 

“Moonie, I miss mumma. I wish she were with us.” My mom was my best friend. I shared all my school life with her. But one night changed our lives. Our family of four narrowed to three. Our happy house turned into a silent one. Suddenly, Chiku turned mature, and Dad stopped laughing, and me? I’m just living, passing days.

Maybe days will change, then I can tell whether I’m happy or sad. But for now, the current status is living. 

Just Living.

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